God looks down on idiots!

By Chanuga Rollins

 

Charles Palero was never what I would call a friend, in fact, the only reason why I know this bedbug is because he’s friends with my cousin. One sunny day I went over to see my cousin and Palero was there. His face was all fucked up, his arm was in a cast, and he walked with a limp.

Do you want to excuse us for a minute I have to talk to my cousin and I’d like to do it in private. Sure, sure, Palero said, I was leaving anyway, see you guys later. What the fuck happened to him I asked my cousin, and he started laughing hysterically.

First, let me say that Charles Palermo is without a doubt one of the biggest losers in our neighborhood, but it’s not his fault entirely he stems from a whole family of losers, one worse than the other.  Charles had one sister who was selling her services on the street, she got caught up in something and was charged with murder. He had another sister who was actually murdered, no one was ever charged with that crime, and just one thing after another with his family, his mother and father were also major losers.

When my cousin stopped laughing he told me what happened to Charles's face. A few months ago, this idiot started dating a young lady by the name of Linda Peca, although he didn’t have a job, Linda fell head over heels for Charles, at first. But when you get to know him Charles has an extremely annoying personality, so extreme Jesus Christ himself would slap this fucking guy.

Linda Peca’s parents hated Charles right from the start, when they looked at him they saw white trash. In the few weeks of Linda dating Charles, he began showing her the real side of Charles, the possessive, humiliating, freeloading, vengeful, stalker Charles. So, after about a month or so Linda broke up with Charles and began dating this other guy. That’s when the stalking begins, Charles just can’t help himself he gets obsessed with someone, and he doesn’t know how to leave them alone.

In time Linda had no choice but to file a police report and get a restraining order against Charles, he was making her life hell. By now Linda bought her own home, a nice two-bedroom bungalow on a quiet street, well it was. Charles showed up regularly, a restraining meant nothing to him. One day Charles approached Linda while her boyfriend was with her, the boyfriend socked Charles right in the eye and then kicked him in the ass, which enraged Charles.

About three days later Charles showed up at Linda’s house, and once again Charles and the boyfriend had an altercation, except this time the boyfriend beat Charles up really good, even knocking out a tooth. When Charles breaks free he runs to his car, goes to the trunk, and pulls out a shotgun. The boyfriend runs into the house and Charles begins screaming and making threats, so not only does Linda call the cops but so do several neighbors.

The police came in force, but the first responding police car came in silent no lights or sirens, they rolled up on Linda’s lawn just feet from her porch. Charles was facing the front door of Linda’s home when the police hit their siren.

Startled, Charles spun around, and the shotgun went off, the blast blew the overhead lights right off of the police car. The cops jumped out of the car and began shooting at Charles, luckily for Charles they missed. But Charles didn’t get off that easy, both cops went to work on him, they beat him like a dog, and other cops even joined in beating Charles to a bloody mess.

Do you think Charles will stop going over there, I asked my cousin. No, God looks down on idiots he said!

The end

Copyright 2024   

 A guy named Jack!

By Chanuga Rollins

I don’t make friends real easily, it’s not because I can’t, but the truth is I don’t like to. I hang out with the guys I grew up with, and we’re very clicky, outsiders are rarely welcomed.

I started working for this shitty private security company as a guard. I worked the 3p to 11p shift, security guards are often frowned upon by the employees of these companies who choose to bring in security guards, but the people where I worked were really friendly, I even dated a couple of the girls that worked there.

One day I was complaining to another guard about my car. It was a 1971 Chrisler Newport, I think my carburetor was shot, I barely made it to work that day. A guy named Jack heard my conversation in the lobby, since he was on his break he offered to have a look at my car which was parked out front.

For the few months that I worked at this company, this guy Jack and I would shoot the shit as they say, he’d go on his break or come down to have a smoke and he would hang out at the security desk. I really didn’t know him, I never even knew his last name.

But we went outside I started up my car and he had a look under the hood. I’m not a mechanic, but Jack obviously knew his shit with cars. With a screwdriver and a few twists and turns here and there the car sounded better, he said that there were a few issues but that I should be ok until the weekend, he volunteered to work on my car for free I just had to buy the parts which I thought was really nice of him.

Saturday morning true to his word Jack showed up at my house with his tools, we ran over to the auto parts store, and he worked on my car for most of that morning. Jack wouldn’t take any money, so after he washed up in my bathroom I asked him what he was doing tonight. Nothing really probably just watching some TV, he said. Yeah fuck that I said, why don’t you come back around eight I’m going to a friends house he’s having a party. Jack was excited, ok I’ll be back at eight. I kind of got the feeling that this guy Jack didn’t have a lot of friends in his life, he did however know how to fix cars, mine never ran so good.

Ron, a longtime friend, was the one having the party tonight, to be honest, Ron had parties every Saturday night. He supplemented his income by charging three bucks a head and he supplied the keg of beer, Ron also spun records wherever he could get a gig, and sold pot, that’s what he did for a living. Ron, maybe because was a disk jockey knew a lot of people, some of his parties were legendary.

Jack again was right on time, I asked him to drive, the party was only two blocks away, but I figured if I met a girl Jack wouldn’t get stuck for a ride. We got there and the party was in full swing, girls were everywhere. I introduced Jack to a few of my friends and told him to go mingle, I noticed that he got into a few conversations with people, so I let him be. A girl who I hoped would be there was, so we took a walk.

It became kind of a ritual, stop at Ron’s party get a little buzzed, and go to one of the several night spots around the city afterward, in the wee hours of the morning most of this crowd would meet up again at one of the all-night diners.

After our walk she wanted to go elsewhere else, I told her about Jack and said that I had to at least tell him I was leaving. So, I ran upstairs and to my surprise Jack was talking to some girl, I told him that I was leaving with someone, and he reassured me that he was having a blast and that he would be fine, I’ll see you Monday at work.

On Monday, there was no Jack, I asked one of his co-workers where he was, and they said that he called off. Of course, to me that meant a hangover, I thought nothing of it, but then it was Tuesday, and still, no Jack, where the fuck is this guy, his co-workers didn’t know either, apparently, he didn’t either bother calling off that day.

Wednesday just a few hours before I had to go to work Ron called me, hey man that guy that you brought to the party is still here. I was flabbergasted, what! Jack never left the party, instead, he’s been sleeping on Ron’s couch and sitting in his living room most of the time in the fucking dark, freaking Ron out.

I got dressed and ran over to Ron’s apartment… The apartment was in an old 1800s Victorian, and his place was on the back side, so it didn’t get a lot of sunlight, Ron let me in and there sitting in a dark room was Jack. What the fuck is up dude, I asked him? Just relaxing man, how’s your car running Jack asked. Fuck the car, Jack you have to leave, you're freaking Ron out and he didn’t inherit you.

I never got any real answers from Jack about his behavior or what made him think he could stay at Ron’s. I don’t know if he had some sort of breakdown or what, this is why I rarely mingle with outsiders.

After this incident I never saw Jack again, his co-workers said that he never called his job and that they would have to terminate him. A few months later the security company lost that contract and I wound up unemployed, my car, however, was still running great!

The end

Copyright 2024

 

 Sparky’s Place

By Chanuga Rollins

 

I hated the night shift, but because of the way my work schedule fell it gave me a lot of free time during the day, I guess technically it wasn’t even really the night shift. I worked three 10pm to 6am shifts, one 2pm to 10pm shift, and one 7am to 3pm shift, it was dirty factory work but relatively easy you just had to be quick and put up with very hot conditions.

The good thing about it was I got to work with a cool black guy by the name of Mike, I grew up around black folks most of my life, but I never socialized with them. Mike was a little different, and by different I mean he didn’t have a chip on his shoulder about the white man like many do. If you wanted something in life you worked for it plain and simple, Mike was raised by decent middle-class parents, nobody in his family collected welfare or food stamps they worked for a living.

Another black guy we paled around with was Kirby, he was different than Mike, Kirby was more militant, he wore his hair in a big afro, and everything was the white man’s fault, Kirby also liked skin popping (shooting heroin but not into the vain) but we got along ok.

When the three of us worked the night shift we liked going to breakfast at least one of the three mornings that we worked. Kirby always complained about the cost of eating out, but he always came with us. Another thing that I’ve noticed is that the two black guys never picked up the check, I have it was no big deal to me. But when that check came they avoided it like the Klan.

So, one morning after work we were trying to decide where to eat when Mike had a suggestion, why don’t we follow him, he knew the perfect place, it was cheap, and you got plenty of food. So, we all hopped in our cars and Mike lead the way. At first I was put off and thought that this was a joke, Mike brought us to the ghetto.

 The three of us parked out on the street wherever we could and with Mike leading the way we went through an alley that had cars parked everywhere, to my surprise only Kirby was a little nervous. Hey man I’m from the East Side this is the North, I don’t belong around here.

Supposably there is a territorial thing going on between the East and the North side blacks, Kirby if you’re worried think how I must feel being the only white guy, we all laughed. This neighborhood was bad, more murders happen here than anywhere else in the city. But Mike assured us that we would be fine.

This place was right in the middle of the block, it was a fucking row home, and the guy converted the downstairs of his home into a restaurant. He even had his daughter as a server, his wife did the cooking, and Sparky the owner played hostess, there of course was no sign because he operated illegally. In my wildest dreams, I could never imagine a place like this operating in a white neighborhood, it would have been raided in less than a day.

Maybe because I was white, or because I’d never been there before, we got the best seat in the house and his daughter catered to our every need. “Sparky’s” had an interesting menu of eggs any style, pancakes, home fries, grits, bacon, sausage, fish, beans and rice, fried chicken, shrimp, and pork, it was a smorgasbord of  Southern cuisine and all for a very low price, the place also served lunch.

This was seven o’clock in the morning and the place was packed, I asked Mike how long has he been coming here and he said maybe a year or so.  

How do you like it, are you comfortable Mike asked me, I’m good I answered, it’s definitely something different, the one drawback was Kirby, he was complaining of course.

I went to “Sparky’s” a few more times with Mike but sadly, as with everything in life, it ended. They closed down our department and I got transferred to days, Mike also got switched to days, but he got sent to the other end of the factory, so I rarely saw him anymore.

A couple of weeks after my first visit to ‘Sparky’s” they found Kirby dead from an overdose, and a white cop shot some black kid after he committed a robbery, so it wasn’t safe for me to go to Sparky’s anymore.

Almost a year later the factory announced that they were closing down. It was at this union meeting that I also ran into Mike, we talked about working together and how much fun we had. I asked if he still went to “Sparky’s,” no he replied, just like the factory “Sparky’s” closed down.

The end

Copyright 2024

 The Dude In The Cellar

By Chanuga Rollins

I was never into hard drugs I do however indulge in the use of marijuana on occasion, which brings me to my next-door neighbor “Momo Z” I have no idea why he’s called that.

Momo Z lives in the row home right next door to me, they call them townhouses now, but they're row homes, I guess townhomes are a fancy word for the real estate folks to use. Anyway, today I decided to purchase some pot and Momo Z has the best pot in the city.

I had to check the time, Momo Z has a rule, never knock on his door before 12 noon, Momo Z never personally sells pot, he has people who do it for him. But because I live right next door he lets me and a few other neighbors slide, lucky for me it was 12:16 pm.

So, I go out the front hop over the rail, and knock on his door, besides selling pot Momo Z also takes action on sports betting and loans money, he often refers to himself as the neighborhood service provider.

I have no jacket on and it’s freezing out, so of course he takes his time answering the door, I know he has a camera on me so he’s probably laughing his balls off. Hey shithead what’s happening, finally he came to the door. Momo Z lives alone of course that doesn’t stop an endless parade of pretty ladies from coming over all hours of the day and night. In fact, the only woman that he doesn’t get along with is my wife, who he refers to as Dracula, he and my wife have known each other since they were kids, but they’ve never gotten along.

So, I go in and of course, he’s watching Bob Ross the painting show, Momo Z loves art and has a pretty cool collection of art on every wall in his home. Walking into the living room I could tell that the couch was his, so I took the love seat. Momo Z fired up a joint, so what’s on your mind neighbor, what can I do for you. 

I’m here for your charming personality, I want to buy some pot I said, Momo Z just laughed, fuck me I thought you were serious. How much do you want? He asked. An ounce would be good I said, just then I heard a noise. We continued talking as he pulled out a big bag of pot from a black knapsack, again I heard a noise, what the hell is that? 

It's nothing Momo Z said, as he continued to weigh out my once. As I reached into my pocket for some money I heard the noise again, it sounded like it was coming from the cellar. Momo Z laughed again, here’s your once.

Really, you didn’t hear what I said. Of course, I did, I ain’t fucking deaf Momo Z said as he laughed again, look sometimes I have to do things that I don’t like doing. Like what I asked?

 Like keeping a man tied up behind my cellar door, I don’t like to do that, but people today have to learn a lesson Momo Z said. Bullshit, you're always fucking with me I said, then I heard the noise again. Come on, Momo Z said, but you have to promise me that you’ll keep it to yourself.

Both of us walked over to the cellar door and sure as shit Momo Z did indeed have a man tied up hog-style behind the cellar door. Of course, “What the fuck” was the first thing that came out of my mouth, is this even legal was the second stupid thing that came out of my mouth.

Hey, don’t judge me man Momo Z said, you wanted to know what the fucking noise was man, he said as he closed the cellar door. This guy owes a few thousand dollars on some games and on a few pounds of pot, what am I supposed to do not let him pay, this is the way we do things now. 

So how long are you going to keep him, I asked. I don’t know, his wife is gathering up the cash as we speak, maybe another day or so, come to think of it I have to feed this mother fucker Momo Z said, just put your money on the coffee table and let yourself out, I have to feed him or I’ll forget, nice seeing you again.

I quickly grabbed my herb left the cash and went back home, were you next door my wife asked the moment I walked in, yup. It figures, what’s that asshole doing she asked. Just getting ready to feed a guest, I said.

The end 

Copyright 2024    

 

  My neighbor Sal

By Chanuga Rollins

 

I never thought much about my neighbors until I met Sal, we met in the lobby of our condo getting our mail.

Right from the start I found Sal to be a very charismatic, interesting guy, he had a big city way about him but handled it with style. After meeting at the mailbox Sal and I began to hang out, even my wife immediately liked Sal, he didn’t use profanity, or make off-color remarks like most guys do, he was always respectful and always a gentleman.

One night while sitting on my terrace having drinks Sal told me that he never married and that he never cared much for kids, I found this sort of odd considering how he played with my grandkids whom my wife watched three days a week. When I mentioned that, he smiled and simply said it’s different when they’re not yours.

As I got to know him better I could see why he preferred to stay single, several times a week I noticed young pretty women coming and going from Sal’s apartment. Also, Sal ate most of his meals out and he was always accompanied by these same young women more than half his age. Sal was a year younger than me, and I was 63, the girls he palled around with were in their late 20s, and early 30s, lucky bastard.

I was also surprised to find out that Sal made his living by “Day Trading” I found this odd since he never got up before 3 p.m., and that he rarely went to bed before dawn.

One day my wife remarked about how Sal always dressed nice, he always wore a sports jacket, nice slacks, shirt, and tie, and if he didn’t wear a tie he always had on a designer t-shirt. Unlike me, I usually wore shorts and a T-shirt, my wife says that I dress like a little boy but I say fuck it, I’m retired, my life is completely humdrum and boring, but that’s how I liked it, so I thought.

When your older time is an enemy, the seasons and years go by in a blink. My sixty-fourth birthday was fast approaching, and I was feeling down this year. I of course love my wife and cherish the life that we have built together, but it’s been a few decades since I’ve had that rush that you get from doing something dangerous and stupid.

Eight days before my birthday Sal and I were having a beer and shooting the shit like most guys do when I told him my tale of woe. Sal was an excellent listener, he let me get it all out, and when I was done unloading I actually felt better.

Three days before my birthday I ran into Sal in the lobby, he was heading out to dinner with one of his younger women when he asked if I could get away the following night? Sure, what’s up I asked? It’s a surprise you’ll see tomorrow he said, just tell your wife that you’ll be home late, and be ready at 8pm sharp. And wear your shorts, but no flip-flops, wear sneakers.

I was excited, it’s been almost a year since I met Sal and he’s been a better friend to me than most people I’ve known for most of my life.

My big night out, I couldn’t wait to see what Sal had planned, just like he said he picked me up at eight sharp. Sal and I went down to the lobby where a cab was already waiting for us. You’re not wearing your sports jacket I said to Sal. Not tonight he said. In all honesty, I thought that maybe he had some great seats to a ball game or something like that, but I was wrong.

I want you to savor every moment of tonight, you’re going to do something that most people can only dream about Sal said. I was getting really excited. The cab brought us to a small airstrip about fifty minutes from our condominium.

At the airstrip Sal introduced me to a friend of his, this is the birthday boy I was telling you about, Sal never mentioned his friend's name nor mine as we shook hands. As we were ready to board Sal leaned in close this is his plane so please don’t vomit on the rug, if you get airsick hold it until you're in the bathroom he said with a smile. The small plane is a Cessna 172 single-engine piston aircraft known for its ease of operation and dependability.

I was really intrigued, Sal, was as expected, cool as a cucumber. A thousand feet in the air Sal poured me some iced tea. Don’t we have something a little stronger than this? I asked. No alcohol, not right now Sal said, there will be time for that later. That’s where we’re going to land, Sal pointed to another small airstrip out in the middle of nowhere.

When we landed four men were waiting near what seemed to be a new minivan, the kind with three rows of seats.

Sal once again introduced me as the birthday boy, and once again I met the four gentlemen without any names being used, later I couldn’t believe just how naïve I really was to the world around me.

One of the guys opened up the van side door, let’s go do this gentlemen he said. Sorry, my man, but I have to put this blindfold on you, one of the guys said, don’t worry we’re going to blow your mind he said. Ok, guys, I’ll meet you back here, be safe, I'm guessing that had to be the pilot. To be honest at this point my head was swimming with all kinds of thoughts, I must admit although I had questions about what was going on, I was excited.

In the van these guys sounded like a Joe Pesci stand-up routine, everyone was laughing and carrying on. If I had to guess I'd say that we drove around about 20 to 30 minutes when we came to a stop.

When they removed my blindfold we were sitting in an alley.

OK, my friend, are you ready for your birthday present? Sal asked. Sure, I said a little reluctantly… All the guys in the van were smiling at me. This is what’s going down buddy, see that warehouse across the street, Sal asked. Yeah, I said. Well, we are going to rob it Sal said with a straight face… Wait, what? What’s this “we shit” I said in shock!

Of course, Sal and his guys were laughing, like robbing a warehouse at ten o’clock at night was perfectly normal. This is really serious shit, I said frantically, isn’t it like twenty years if we’re caught.

Sal did his best to calm me down, nobody’s going to jail dude, listen to me, you needed this, so man up, and let’s make some money. Listen to everything we tell you to do, and you’ll be fine. I was scared to death and excited all at the same time.

With that, there were several bags in the van, each containing a black jumpsuit, we put them on right over our street clothes and painted our faces black, we also put on latex gloves, and duct-taped our wrists and ankles. Only the driver of the van didn’t get into a jumpsuit, his job was to stay with the van and monitor the police scanner and walkie-talkies.

We all exited the van and headed right for an abandoned house right next door to the warehouse. Sal explained to me that breaking into the warehouse from the house next door saved time, it avoided disabling an alarm and picking the locks and it gave us cover.

One of the guys reached into the duffel bag and pulled out a concrete saw and some other tools that we may need, surprisingly the abandoned home still had electricity. I asked Sal how they knew the power was still on in the house, recon my boy he said smiling, all of our jobs are thoroughly planned out.

Within minutes there was a huge gaping hole going right into the warehouse, and we walked right in. Going right for the office the guys all stopped within feet of it, this is all you my man, Sal handed me a sledgehammer.

I want you to make a nice-sized hole right here in that sheetrock wall. But why can’t we just break down the office door? I asked. Because the door has a silent alarm on it, one of Sal’s guys said. The people who own this warehouse are cheap, they only alarmed this door and the main entrance.

With a few swings, I made another huge hole, I was loving this. One of the guys was a safecracker, once I made the hole he immediately went to work on the safe.

The rest of us just hung back and lingered. So, this is how you make a living? I asked Sal. Among other things Sal said, I really do day trade, and I have interests in a few businesses. I was shocked to find out that Sal and his gang have been doing this for years all over the country and that they are tipped off to these robberies by otherwise legitimate sources, all for a piece of the pie.

Less than fifteen minutes went by, and the safecracker was all done.  We gathered up whatever tools we had and made our way back out the same way we came in, right through the hole in the abandoned house.

When we got the signal that the coast was clear we all headed for the van. Inside, we got out of the jumpsuits and put them into garbage bags, along with the latex gloves and duct tape, they would be incinerated later Sal said.

Twenty minutes later we were all seated in a very nice restaurant overlooking a beautiful lake.

As Sal excused himself to make a phone call, the guys treated me just like one of them, I’ve never felt so comfortable with a group of guys that I didn’t even know. What really impressed me was that there was no bragging, in fact not one mention of what we had just done less than an hour ago, these guys were very professional.

The waitress was already at our table when Sal returned, how about you give us the best steaks you have on the menu, Sal said. He then leaned over to me and said now you can have that drink my friend.

With the taste of steak still in our mouths, we headed for the parking lot, I started walking towards the van. Yo, Sal called out we’re not leaving in that, that’s when I saw the cab pull up.

We all said our goodbyes and the guys again wished me a Happy Birthday and left in the van. Sal and I took the cab back to the small airstrip and boarded the small plane.

Once aboard, Sal poured some drinks and tossed me a plastic bag. What’s this, I asked? Your end of the job Sal said.

Inside the plastic bag was a little over $75.000 my cut from the burglary. Come on Sal, I can’t accept this, I said, but he insisted that I take it. You took a risk tonight just like the rest of us, you deserve that money Sal said.

We touched down right where we started, at a small airstrip, a car service was already waiting for us. The pilot wished me a Happy Birthday again before hugging Sal and taking off in his plane.

On the way home Sal sat back and I could tell that he wanted some quiet time and I let him have it, no one has ever shown me a time like tonight. It also showed me just how naïve I really was to the world at large. Was Sal a bad man, I wouldn’t go that far, he was an outlaw who lived by his own set of rules, and I can respect that.

When we got home Sal gave me a huge hug and wished me a Happy Birthday. Don’t tell your wife he said as he winked at me before going into his condo.

When I walked in my wife was waiting for me, she asked if I had a good time? The best ever, I said, do you mind if I go to bed I’m beat.

Sal and I never spoke of the burglary, and we remained close friends.

Then one day some men were cleaning out Sal’s apartment. I asked the superintendent what was going on. From the information that the super got, Sal was supposed to be catching a plane to go on vacation to the islands. I knew that Sal went away often, sometimes for weeks or months at a time. But the super said that this time Sal never showed up for the flight, the young lady who was supposed to meet him at the airport reported him missing.

Because Sal’s been missing for a few months and he was only renting and that wasn’t being paid, they had to assume that he wasn’t coming back, but not to worry, we’ll put his belongings in storage for one year just in case he does show up. Sal never did show up!

The end  

Copyright 2021   

Those Grey Cowboy Boots

By Chanuga Rollins

 

Annie and her family just moved to Addison, Illinois about a month earlier, and other than her next-door neighbor Pan, Annie hadn’t had the time to make any other friends.

Standing on the steps of her new high school with Pam and waiting for the bell to ring, Annie couldn’t help but notice a boy staring at her. 

Pam, that boy over there is staring at me. Pam turned to look, the boy had long black hair and dark eyes. Oh, that’s Nicky, Nicky Rico, stay away from him he’s bad news she told her new friend. 

Awe, why Annie asked. He’s cute. You need to stay away from him because he’s a “corner boy,” I’ll explain later Pam said just as the school bell sounded.

The first day of school went fast considering it was only a half day. Pam and Annie choose to walk home instead of taking the hot overcrowded school bus. 

About a block from home, Annie saw Nicky Rico with some of his friends loitering on a street corner. As the girls passed Nick smiled at her, come on Pam tell me about him, and what the hell is a corner boy? 

I know you’re from a small town in the Midwest, but around here the corner boys are a gang of young guys that do things, for the older mob guys in the neighborhood, they’re like a hoodlum recruiting center. He’s a criminal Annie, just stay away from him Pam said.

Later that evening Pam and Annie shared a big bowl of popcorn as they watched the movie “Goodfellas.” Oh my God, Annie said, what horrible people… Is there a point that you're trying to make concerning this movie?

 Are you fucking kidding me, Annie, Pam hollered. That guy you asking about is headed on this same path as the guys from the movie she said, but what do you expect, like father, like son? 

That’s horrible, he’s not going to see his creation grow and flourish Anne said. Grow and flourish, really Anne, Pam said with a smirk.

So, what do you mean by that, Annie asked. I don’t know all the details, but Nicky’s father is doing life in prison for murder, Pam told her naïve friend.

Awe, no wonder he has sad eyes, Annie said, he seems kind of lost. Yeah, well he keeps doing what he’s doing he’s going to wind up right where his old man is, or dead Pan said. 

By the way Pam, Annie said, that movie sucked but the popcorn was awesome, both girls laughed.

A few days later Pam came down with a horrible cold, so she decided to stay home from school leaving Annie on her own for lunch. But instead of eating in the cafeteria with a hundred-plus loud students, Annie decided to get some fresh air and eat outside in the back of the school. So, Annie went out the exit door next to the cafeteria and got away from what few students were also outside. 

She picked a spot under a tree away from the building, as she ate Annie noticed a shadow looming over her, it was Nicky Rico.       

Hi, I’m Nicky, extending his hand out, Annie couldn’t help but notice how soft his hands were, hi I’m Annie.  

The 30-minute lunch break seemed like a second as the two young people talked, do you want to get together tonight and do something Nicky asked Annie. Can I let you know Annie asked? Sure, here's my cell phone number, call me anytime Nicky said.

Annie couldn’t wait to call Pam and tell her the latest news, but Pan wasn’t at all happy. Girl, I told you to stay away from that boy, he’s trouble. Well, I think he’s sweet and I’m going to call him, Annie said to Pam as she hung up. 

Annie called the number Nick gave her, and some guy with a gravelly voice answered… Yeah, the voice on the other end said, hi, is Nick there, who the hell is this the voice asked. 

Annie hung up, not knowing what else to do she threw the number that Nicky gave her in the garbage.

The next morning at the bus stop, Pam asked Annie how her date went. Did you kiss him, Pam asked. No, Annie said, some strange man answered the phone, and I hung up. Lord only knows who that was Pam said, like I told you stay away from him. Annie was very disappointed.

Later that afternoon while walking home from the bus stop, Annie and Pam saw Nicky hanging on the corner with some other guys. He just ignored her as she and Pam walked by, I told you that he was fucked up Pam said.

Almost home, the girls heard running behind them, turning around they were surprised to see that it was Nicky. 

Go away please, Annie said to Nicky, I don’t have time for your stupid games. But Nicky demanded that he be heard, I’m sorry for ignoring you he said, when I’m with the other guys it’s a thing we have, I know it’s stupid.

What the hell are you talking about Annie shouted, you’re babbling like an idiot. 

You are an idiot Pam chimed in, and that’s all you’re ever going to be. Pam please, Annie said, I want to talk to him in private if you don’t mind, I’ll call you later. Annie walked away with Nick. Man, this girl is asking for a lot of trouble Pam thought as she walked the rest of the way home by herself.

As all young people do Annie and Nicky worked out their differences, for now, it took time for Annie to realize that some of what Pam has been telling her about Nicky was true. 

One evening, while Annie was sitting on her porch with Nick and her mother talking, a police car, came to a screeching halt right in front of her home. With their guns drawn, they searched then handcuffed, Nicky… What the hell is going on Annie demanded, get back and mind your own business miss, the officer said. 

Annie’s mother grabbed her daughter and pulled her back up on the porch. Later Annie found out that Nicky and two of his buddies held up a food store on the other side of town earlier that afternoon.

 Not being able to make bail Nicky was sent to the detention center and held for trial. 

Annie visited him as often as she could, Nicky told her it was all a big misunderstanding and that it would be taken care of soon enough. 

Three weeks later the owner of the food store who identified Nicky and his friends was found dead, from an apparent suicide. Nicky was released from the detention center three days later.

One day when Annie came home from school, a man was sitting in her living room with her mother, hi Annie I’m Detective Mark Evans from the OCU. I’d like to have a word with you if that’s ok. What does OCU mean, Annie asked as she sat down. 

OCU dear means Organized Crime Unit, I’m here to talk to you about your friend Nicky. For two hours detective Detective Evans talked to Annie about Nicky her then-boyfriend. 

Armed robberies, car thefts, gambling, extortions of every kind, and truck hijackings, your boyfriend is quite the entrepreneur the detective said. Well, tell me, something detective, if you know all this why isn’t he in jail, Annie asked. 

It’s complicated, but have no doubt, we’ll eventually get him. We always do, unless of course he’s murdered before that, which happens more frequently these days. 

Young lady, I advise you to stay away from this kid, you do not know him the way we know him, I can assure you of that. This boy is bad news!

When the detective left, Annie’s head was spinning. Annie, I want you to stay away from this boy, he obviously has some issues, her mother warned.

But all the warnings from her mother and Pam did no good because Annie still had feelings for Nicky.

The school year went by in a blink and spring was in the air, Annie and Nicky were together almost constantly. Nicky was expelled from school right after the holidays and asked never to return after punching a teacher in the face several times, the teacher broke up a crap game that Nicky was running.

Annie of course was always quick to make up excuses for Nicky’s behavior, one night while on a double date with Pam and her new flame Andy, Nicky gave the usher in the theater a hard time because he assumed the usher was gay. 

But as time went on Annie noticed other things in Nicky that she didn’t like and couldn’t ignore anymore. For instance, one night Annie found a gun in Nicky’s jacket pocket along with a big wad of cash. 

Annie never mentioned it to Nicky because she knew he would just lie about it, and that was another thing, she knew that Nicky lied to her constantly, and she hated that most of all.

On the last week of the school year, Nicky showed up at school to walk Annie and Pam home, it was a pleasant surprise since he hadn’t been near the school since being expelled. 

A block or two from the girl's home a police car pulled up and blocked them from crossing the street. Awe fuck, Nicky said under his breath but loud enough for the girls to hear. 

Hands-on the car asshole the cop said to Nicky, you ladies take a hike, the cop said as he searched him. Pan and Annie kept walking. The cop didn't find anything on Nicky, so he was forced to let him go, I’m keeping an eye on you, the cop said as he got back into his patrol car. 

Nicky ran the block or so to catch up with the girls and acted like nothing happened. Really dude, are you not going to tell us what happened back there, Pam said. 

It’s no big deal that cops an asshole, Nick was unusually quiet the rest of the way home, he acted like something heavy was on his mind, but Annie just let him be.

The cop that stopped Nicky was Officer Pete Salamander, who had just transferred to this district and already hated the so-called corner boys. 

On his first night, one of the corner boys threw a beer bottle at his patrol car, he was certain it was Nick, but Officer Salamander couldn’t prove it.

With Nick’s birthday, only a day away Annie wanted to get him something very special. 

She dragged Pan along for company and headed for the mall, as they walked around, it didn’t take long for something to catch Annie’s eye. 

In the window of a shoe store was the most beautiful pair of grey cowboy boys that Annie had ever seen, and they were on sale… So, she immediately went in and snatched up a pair in Nicky’s size, after shopping Annie treated Pam to lunch. 

So, is it getting serious with Nick, Pam asked Annie. Well, to be honest, I don’t really know, we never talk about things like that. Besides he lies a lot, we have been seeing each other for over a year now and I’ve never even met anyone in his family. 

When I bring it up, he changes the subject Annie said. Pam apologized for making her friend sad. 

No, I think that maybe you were right all along, I’m starting to see a different side of him, and it’s not good Annie said.

 The next evening, regardless of how she felt Annie took Nicky out for his birthday, they went to a Japanese restaurant where Nicky ate sushi for the first time in his life. Annie laughed as he tried to figure out how to eat it with chopsticks. 

After dinner Nicky talked Annie into coming with him to the social club where the corner boys hung out, the guys were throwing him a little party.

Annie’s mom lent her the car for the evening, so out in the restaurant parking lot, Annie opened the trunk and gave Nicky his birthday present. 

Tears came to his eyes when he saw the cowboy boots, he immediately tried them on, and they were a perfect fit.

A little while later Annie and Nicky still wearing his new cowboy boots walked into the social club and right into a very loud Happy Birthday.

All the guys were there, all were giving Nicky high fives and slaps on the back and wishing him a Happy Birthday. With the music blasting and the liquor flowing, Annie watched Nicky having a good time with his friends. 

Maybe she thought she was wrong, after all, he just turned 19. With all the commotion going on it took a few moments for everyone to notice the cop standing in the doorway of the social club.

It was Officer Pete Salamander; he was announcing that he just received a noise complaint coming from this address. 

Immediately Joe “Joey Past” Pastore a reputed mobster, stepped up to address the officer. I own this building, get the fuck out of here private party unless you have a warrant. 

I don’t need a warrant for a complaint unless you have something to hide officer Salamander said. 

Joey Past knew that this cop was lying about the noise complaint, on the right side of the social club was an empty lot. On the other side of the club was a used car lot that Joe just happened to own and was closed at this time of night, so no one was complaining there. 

Joey Past repeated, get the fuck out of my club. But instead of leaving the party, Officer Pete Salamander walked around the social club with a strange smirk on his face.

I see liquor being served to minors, officer Salamander said, although there were several minors in the club, he turned his attention to Nicky who was trying to conceal his beer. 

Officer Salamander walked up to Nicky, don’t hide that beer boy, the officer said to Nicky. In fact, I want to see you chug it, birthday boy, Nicky stood there with a bewildered look on his face, I said “CHUG IT BOY,” the officer screamed! 

That’s it, get the fuck out of my club you crazy fuck, Joey Past hollered, don’t come back without a warrant… But Officer Salamander just stood there for a long moment and stared at Nicky. 

And then, for no apparent reason, he slapped Nicky in the face, “Happy Birthday” boy, officer Salamander said as he walked out of the club.

Nicky was filled with anger and embarrassment, he almost ran out of the club after the cop, but Joey Past stopped him. 

Don’t do it, kid, he’s probably waiting for you out there, he’ll kill you and make it look like self-defense. I have a hook-up with a police captain, I’ll take care of that prick, Joey Past promised Nick.

As everyone resumed having a good time, Annie sensed something off with Nick. When she asked him about it, he just brushed her off and said everything was fine. She thought it best to just let it go as she resumed celebrating Nick’s birthday.

As the Summer, Fall, and then Winter passed by, Annie was no longer dating Nicky, in fact, she hadn’t seen him in a couple of months. As her final school year was coming to an end, Annie was already researching her next new town, Annie was accepted at Princeton. 

A few weeks before leaving town Annie and Pam went shopping together for the last time as teenagers, Pam was also leaving, and she was accepted at UCLA.

As the ladies were waiting to cross the street, Annie saw Officer Salamander sitting in his patrol car drinking a cup of coffee. Just then a motorcyclist with a passenger both wearing black helmets and dark face masks stopped for the red light. 

The girls crossed the street, but Annie made it over first, Pam was a slow walker. 

Hurry girl, the light is going to change Annie said, Pam just made it to the curb on Annie's side of the street when the passenger on the motorcycle pulled out a handgun and began firing it into Officer Pete Salamander’s body, killing him.

As the biker and his passenger took off, Pam ducked for cover, but not Annie. She focused on the motorcyclist’s passenger, the one that did the shooting, Annie noticed his boots. They were the grey cowboy boots that she gave Nicky for his birthday over a year ago.

The end. 

Copyright 2021

 The lowlife

By Chanuga Rollins

Lorie hated the whole idea of internet dating, although some of her friends swore by it. It wasn’t that Lorie couldn’t find a man you understand, guys asked her out all the time. But to be honest, most men today bored her with their cheesy pick-up lines and showing their soft side, Lorie wanted a man. But she also couldn’t stand them Guido-types, with their steroid-induced muscles, ignorant personas, and gelled hair.  

Lorie was an attractive 5’8 120-pound blonde with sea-blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. At 34, she was a corporate attorney who normally worked 14-hour days and worked right through most weekends. 

In her spare time, Lorie enjoys cooking, going to the movies, and flea markets. She also enjoys spending time with her best friends Liza, and Kim, in fact, it was her friends that insisted that she try internet dating.

So, one Saturday evening over wine and cheese, the girls sat down with Lorie and created a profile on a dating site. 

Next, she had to decide what kind of guy she was looking for: Did she want the sports type, a couch potato, a bookworm, or a workout freak? And what about work Liza asked? 

I really don’t care what he does as long as he enjoys what he’s doing and it’s legal. He also must have a sense of humor and he must be able to hold down a conversation Lorie said.

As the girls laughed and joked the next question was about hygiene: yes, he must be clean, he also must be a non-smoker, a non-druggie, and single. When the girls finished Lorie’s profile, they hit the send button.

Within minutes Lorie received several responses, she and the girls went through them one at a time: loser, loser, loser, another loser.

After going through a dozen or so responses one stood out, a guy by the name of Shawn, he immediately sent her a wave. But before Lorie waved back the girls checked out his profile.

Shawn’s profile said that he was single and looking for a long-term relationship. There was also a photo of him sitting in a BMW convertible, he’s cute one of the girls said. His profile said that he was self-employed, likes jogging and that he’s a volunteer fireman. That’s very admirable the girls thought. 

It also says that he likes to travel and eat ethnic food, whatever the hell that means. Oh, wow, he lives in the Belvedere Apartments, I know them apartments, Kim said, they’re very expensive. After reading everything about him and with the girl’s encouragement Lorie sent Shawn a wave. 

Within minutes Shawn tried to make contact through the dating site message board. But because her friends were still over Lorie blew him off and signed out. 

Lorie spent the next day working, she needed to get some paperwork done by Monday so for now, she completely forgot about the dating site.    

Wednesday evening while eating dinner Lorie grabbed her laptop and logged onto the dating site just for something to do, to her surprise this guy Shawn must have left over a hundred messages. 

She answered his latest message and to her surprise, he immediately responded, was he just sitting there waiting for me to respond she thought.

They both messaged back and forth for about an hour until Lorie decided to go to bed. That’s when Shawn popped the question, do you want to go out with me? Lorie was a little hesitant, he seemed nice, but she wasn’t ready to take the plunge just yet. So, she made up an excuse and said goodnight, and signed off.

The next morning just for the hell of it, Lorie logged on before going to her office, and to her astonishment, Shawn left thirty messages for her. What the fuck is wrong with this guy, she thought, but his interest also intrigued her.

Because of the project that she was working on and it taking up so much of her time Lorie didn’t log onto the dating site for another eight days by then Shawn left well over a hundred messages.

Lorie mentioned Shawn’s eagerness to go out to her friends. He has a penis, doesn’t he? That’s what these guys do, they’re animals, go for it! That was her friend’s advice… With that in mind, Lorie responded to one of Shawn’s latest messages.      

Lorie and Shawn decided to meet at a restaurant called La Villa, she didn’t want him to know where she lived, not just yet anyway.

A few days later the big night was here, they were supposed to meet at the restaurant at 6pm, but Lorie was the first to arrive. She got a table, ordered a glass of wine, and waited. 7pm, no Shawn, 7:30 still a no show, at 8pm Lorie was putting on her jacket to leave.

She was almost to the door when Shawn walked in. He looked just like his picture on the dating site but gave no explanation for why he was late, instead, he said I’m starving.

Shawn looked very unkept and his breath smelled horrible. Lorie quickly looked Shawn up and down, there ain't no way this guy is even kissing me tonight.

His jacket was ripped and dirty, in fact, his t-shirt and jeans were also filthy, not to mention they smelled. His t-shirt looked like it was left rolled up somewhere until he decided to wear it. In any case, he wasn’t dressed for La Villa, Lorie wanted to leave but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

How’s the food here? Lorie asked Shawn. I don’t know, I’ve never eaten here before, he said. But you picked this place, Lorie said, I thought you’d been here before. No, Shawn said, I ride by here all the time, but I never ate here. 

Lorie thought that was strange, but she let it go. Randomly, he mentioned that his roommate was busting his balls about money because he was a little behind on his share of the rent. 

Well, the Belvedere apartments are expensive Lorie said, again trying to be nice. I don’t live at the Belvedere, and it’s not my apartment, I just rent the couch, Shawn said smiling. 

Lorie just stared at him for a second before asking her next question, so if you don’t live there why did you post those pictures making it look like you lived there?

It’s to impress the ladies, he said, giving her a stupid grin. And the BMW, I’m guessing it’s not yours, Lorie said. Nope, I go to the dealerships and take photos with my phone, Shawn said. 

So, I’m trying to understand a few things here Lorie said, where exactly do you live, she asked. Well, I couch surf at a few different places around town, Shawn said proudly. I’m not trying to be rude, but how old are you, Lorie asked?

Let’s order, I’m hungry, Shawn said. First, answer my question, Lorie said, starting to get angry. 

I just turned 40, Shawn replied, now can we order? Not just yet, Lorie said, you said on the dating app that you’re self-employed, or was that also bullshit? Well, I am self-employed, I collect cans and bottles for recycling, and I’m also collecting unemployment Shawn said with a cocky smile.

Just then the waiter came over, hi, I’m Glen, I’ll be your server tonight. Shawn, like an idiot, shook the waiter’s hand and said hi, I’m Shawn… The waiter looked at him in bewilderment, can I start you off with some drinks? The server asked. I’ll take a Coke, Shawn said. The same for me thank you, Lorie said, giving Shawn a nasty look for being rude.

I’m just putting this out there, have you ever eaten in an establishment like this, where the wait staff introduces themselves to you, Lorie asked. 

No, nobody at Burger King or McDonald’s has ever introduced themselves to me before, he said. Shawn, Lorie asked, how did you get here tonight? We met online, Shawn said, don’t you remember? Oh my God, Lorie thought!

I mean, how did you get to the restaurant tonight for Christ’s sake? Oh, my bike, he said, it’s parked out front. Oh, you have a motorcycle, Lorie asked. No, I have a Schwinn, I stole it, Shawn tried giving Lorie a high five, but she just stared at him. A bicycle, you rode here on a bicycle, Lorie again just stared at him.  

The waiter returned with their drinks and two menus, I don’t need this, Shawn said, handing the menus back to the waiter, I’ll take a meatball sub, with fries. I’m sorry sir but we don’t have that, the waiter said obviously embarrassed.

Lorie immediately took back Shawn’s menu from the waiter, can you please give us a minute, thank you. When the waiter left, Lorie told Shawn to order whatever he wanted, dinner was on her, she just wanted to get this evening over with.

Awe, thanks, look at these prices I only have $30, Shawn said. After a minute or two, Lorie was convinced that Shawn had no idea what the hell he was looking at on the menu because it was in Italian. Lorie was also convinced that if poor, ignorant, white trash had a photo, it would be of a smiling Shawn.   

Tell me, Shawn, where did you live prior to your couch surfing, Lorie asked. I lived with my mom until she threw me out. And how long ago was that Lorie asked? A few months ago, he said. The restaurant was crowded as Shaw picked his nose at their table, and that’s when Lorie noticed his hands and fingernails, they were filthy.

Shawn, would you like to wash your hands before we eat Lorie asked. No, I’m ok, Shawn replied, soap dries out of my hands. Lorie just stared at him again.

The waiter returned to take their orders, but before he could even say anything, Shawn blurted out, can I get the spaghetti and meatballs? 

Lorie again gave Shawn a look of disgust. And you ma’am the waiter asked, I’ll take the Zuppa de Pesce, Lorie said. Very good ma’am I’ll put this right in the waiter said. 

Shawn blurted out, what the hell did you order, Chinese food, I thought this place was Italian. Lorie didn’t even bother answering him. I didn’t understand a word on that menu he said. No shit, Lorie said.

While they waited for their food to come Shawn rambled on and on about the most absurd things that made no sense, Lorie was convinced that Shawn was retarded.

So, Shawn, I understand that you are a volunteer fireman Lorie said, knowing full well that he couldn’t possibly be. 

Who told you that, Shawn asked. It was on your dating profile or was that just more bullshit, just to impress the ladies Lorie asked. Bingo, Shawn said laughing.

And how did that work out for you, Lorie asked sarcastically. Not that good, when they told me that I couldn’t live in the firehouse I never signed up, I figured what’s the point of risking my life if I couldn’t live there for free.

Lorie just rolled her eyes and kept thinking I can’t wait until this fucking night is over!!!

Finally, the food arrived… Lorie knew that Shawn only ordered spaghetti and meatballs because the idiot couldn’t pronounce anything else on the menu. But to watch him eat his food was revolting, other diners were even staring at him.

He had the table manners of a child, talking with his mouth full, making weird noses, wiping his mouth with his filthy hands, picking his nose and wiping it on the tablecloth, and yes, even farting at the table and then laughing afterward.

After 15 minutes of watching this idiot, Lorie couldn’t take it anymore. While Shawn was ramming spaghetti into his mouth and getting sauce all over his face, the tablecloth, and his filthy clothes, Lorie flagged down the waiter and asked if he could wrap up her food and if he could please bring the check. 

With food falling out of his mouth, Shawn said it looks like you can’t wait to get me home. Fuck you! Dude, get this straight you’re never going to see me again, not if I can ever help it, amigo, Lorie said.

Lorie gave her credit card to the waiter, then she told Shawn who was still jamming food into his mouth to speed it up, this nightmare is over, time to go. 

They both stood to leave, Lorie left the server his tip in cash, leaving it on the table. Almost to the door, Shawn said, I’ll meet you outside I have to use the can. No, that’s ok, it’s been an eye-opening experience Lorie said as she hurried out the door.

It was a chilly evening as Lorie started her SUV, letting it warm up. She watched as Shawn came out of the restaurant, got on his bicycle, and quickly peddled away. 

Lorie was about to drive away when the waiter came out of the restaurant looking around. Lorie put her vehicle into gear and pulled up to the waiter. Is everything ok, Lorie asked? I was just wondering why you didn’t leave me a tip, have I done something to offend you, the waiter asked. 

No sir, the service was excellent, and I did leave you a tip, a very nice tip I may add, Lorie said. Her words hung in the air… That fucking scumbag! Lorie said out loud. Pardon me, ma’am, the waiter said confused. 

I’m sorry, just thinking out loud, Lorie said as she reached into her purse and gave the waiter some money then apologized for the mix-up.   

Lorie pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and headed in the same direction as Shawn. That smelly, low-life bastard stole the waiter's tip, and Lorie was pissed.

About a half mile from the restaurant Lorie spotted Shawn peddling away on his bicycle, as she followed him. 

A wooded and deserted stretch of road was coming up, this is where Lorie decided to make her move. Looking around to make sure no one else was around, Lorie accelerated her SUV.

With a big smile on Lorie’s face, she ran over Shawn with her vehicle knocking him off his bike and causing him to land on the ground very hard. 

Lorie parked her vehicle and walked over to Shawn as he lay on the ground moaning my bike, you ruined my bike, you crazy bitch! Lorie took aim and kicked Shawn right in his face, damn near knocking him out. 

She then reached down and went through his filthy jeans and removed his money. She took back exactly what she gave to the waiter, the rest of his money, which wasn’t much, she threw into the bushes. 

Lorie said nothing as she walked back to her SUV, she got in and ran over Shawn’s bike two more times, knocking one of its wheels off, and then she headed home.

When Lorie got home, she uninstalled the dating app. 

The next evening Lorie joined her two best friends Liza, and Kim for drinks, while they went to the restroom together Lorie slipped some baby laxatives into her friend's drinks… Lorie, smiled as the girls downed them.

The end 

Copyright 2021