The Dude In The Cellar

By Chanuga Rollins

I was never into hard drugs I do however indulge in the use of marijuana on occasion, which brings me to my next-door neighbor “Momo Z” I have no idea why he’s called that.

Momo Z lives in the row home right next door to me, they call them townhouses now, but they're row homes, I guess townhomes are a fancy word for the real estate folks to use. Anyway, today I decided to purchase some pot and Momo Z has the best pot in the city.

I had to check the time, Momo Z has a rule, never knock on his door before 12 noon, Momo Z never personally sells pot, he has people who do it for him. But because I live right next door he lets me and a few other neighbors slide, lucky for me it was 12:16 pm.

So, I go out the front hop over the rail, and knock on his door, besides selling pot Momo Z also takes action on sports betting and loans money, he often refers to himself as the neighborhood service provider.

I have no jacket on and it’s freezing out, so of course he takes his time answering the door, I know he has a camera on me so he’s probably laughing his balls off. Hey shithead what’s happening, finally he came to the door. Momo Z lives alone of course that doesn’t stop an endless parade of pretty ladies from coming over all hours of the day and night. In fact, the only woman that he doesn’t get along with is my wife, who he refers to as Dracula, he and my wife have known each other since they were kids, but they’ve never gotten along.

So, I go in and of course, he’s watching Bob Ross the painting show, Momo Z loves art and has a pretty cool collection of art on every wall in his home. Walking into the living room I could tell that the couch was his, so I took the love seat. Momo Z fired up a joint, so what’s on your mind neighbor, what can I do for you. 

I’m here for your charming personality, I want to buy some pot I said, Momo Z just laughed, fuck me I thought you were serious. How much do you want? He asked. An ounce would be good I said, just then I heard a noise. We continued talking as he pulled out a big bag of pot from a black knapsack, again I heard a noise, what the hell is that? 

It's nothing Momo Z said, as he continued to weigh out my once. As I reached into my pocket for some money I heard the noise again, it sounded like it was coming from the cellar. Momo Z laughed again, here’s your once.

Really, you didn’t hear what I said. Of course, I did, I ain’t fucking deaf Momo Z said as he laughed again, look sometimes I have to do things that I don’t like doing. Like what I asked?

 Like keeping a man tied up behind my cellar door, I don’t like to do that, but people today have to learn a lesson Momo Z said. Bullshit, you're always fucking with me I said, then I heard the noise again. Come on, Momo Z said, but you have to promise me that you’ll keep it to yourself.

Both of us walked over to the cellar door and sure as shit Momo Z did indeed have a man tied up hog-style behind the cellar door. Of course, “What the fuck” was the first thing that came out of my mouth, is this even legal was the second stupid thing that came out of my mouth.

Hey, don’t judge me man Momo Z said, you wanted to know what the fucking noise was man, he said as he closed the cellar door. This guy owes a few thousand dollars on some games and on a few pounds of pot, what am I supposed to do not let him pay, this is the way we do things now. 

So how long are you going to keep him, I asked. I don’t know, his wife is gathering up the cash as we speak, maybe another day or so, come to think of it I have to feed this mother fucker Momo Z said, just put your money on the coffee table and let yourself out, I have to feed him or I’ll forget, nice seeing you again.

I quickly grabbed my herb left the cash and went back home, were you next door my wife asked the moment I walked in, yup. It figures, what’s that asshole doing she asked. Just getting ready to feed a guest, I said.

The end 

Copyright 2024