That nut from lunch

By Chanuga Rollins

 

I’ve dated a lot of women in the past but remember very few by name, it’s probably because I was a serial dater, back then I had no desire to have a steady girlfriend because I never saw a point in it because I liked variety.

Although I forgot the girl's name I’ll never forget the incident, so let’s just call her Diane. There used to be a great hot dog place around the corner from where I just started working. I think it was called “Billy Goes,” at the time they made the best hot dogs, I only heard about the place because the guys from work kept bragging about it.

So, one day a co-worker and I went there for a couple of hot dogs and that’s when I first saw her, not only was she friendly but also cute with a terrific body. When she took my order I felt a connection, spooky how that works sometimes, but I didn’t ask her out at that point. I guess I was trying to be cool, or I didn’t want to appear desperate who the hell knows.

But after a few times of going to “Billy Goes” for lunch and a lot of flirting, I finally asked her out for the upcoming Friday.

It was a long week but tonight was my big night with the hottie from “Billy Goes,” I confirmed our date earlier that day, so all systems were a go. I selected a pair of underwear with skulls on them just in case the night got interesting, I had no idea what was ahead.

The summer evening wasn’t too bad, it was late August, but the evening was cool, unusual in New Jersey. I arrived at her apartment at eight sharp, she was sitting with an older group of women, one of whom turned out to be her mother. Diane introduced me to everyone sitting around her stoop before bringing me into her apartment. There sitting on the couch playing with a doll was her daughter, a surprise, I didn’t know that she had a kid, nor did she mention it. I guess she was around 10, she was nice and very polite, the only thing was I couldn’t stand kids, but I let it go. Diane grabbed her purse and kissed her daughter goodbye and told her to listen to her grandmother as we left.

Diane looked amazing, she truly was an attractive woman, my plans were to go and get a nice dinner then get a few drinks at a local nightclub, a simple night. At “Billy Goes” I couldn’t shut this girl up, she was laughing at my jokes, and now she was being quiet, too quiet and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

We got to the restaurant and instead of searching for a parking space, I let the valet take my car. We walked into the restaurant, and the place was packed, glad I made reservations, we got to sit down right away. On our way to our table, I could swear that Diane barked like a dog, what the fuck I thought, but then I thought that maybe she was just playing around. At our table, she looked weird, confused, and sort of out of it… I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I asked her if she was alright or would she like to go someplace else. But she said that she was ok with staying here

I ordered a bottle of wine, and when it got to our table she said that she only drank blood from the vein. I was confused, but I didn’t really have an answer for that other than ok. I asked her how her day was, and she looked at me with a bizarre look in her eye and said I had to eat his toe off. I just stared at her, and then I said who’s toe? As I looked at the menu she again started to bark a couple of times, you ok I asked her. I’m fine, but then in a low voice, she said, at least I think she said, I want to stick this in your heart, she was fondling a butter knife.

What the fuck was up with this woman I thought, not quite understanding what was going on here. That’s when I slid that bottle of wine closer to me, I was going to use it as a club if need be. Then she got normal again, asking me questions about my future, where I went to school, and where I lived, I lied about that, but I still felt uneasy.

When the waiter came to take our order, she asked him if he’d ever been bitten in his waiter’s uniform. He just stared at me and asked if she was going to bite him? Let’s hope not, was all that I could think of to say. Then Diane started to feel my crouch under the table, then she said out loud can I suck your dick. When other people turned to look I said that she was just kidding around, and a couple of guys eating dinner gave me the thumbs up.

But now I was concerned, this was not funny, then she got normal again, and of course, she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu an $80 lobster, a la carte.

I never in my life saw someone eat a lobster the way that she ate hers, tearing at it like an animal, slurping, chewing loudly, she had lobster all over her face, on the table, on the floor, even in her hair. Most of the diners were staring at us.

After watching her eat I lost my appetite and couldn’t finish my dinner, this crazy bitch even ordered dessert, and when the cheesecake came she began to play with it. When I said that I didn’t want any she began flinging it with her fork at me and other people trying to have dinner. Finally, the waiter came over with the check and said that the maître wanted us to leave before this got out of hand.

I paid our bill and got her up to leave, on the way out she started talking in a demonic voice, I’m going to come back and kill everyone in here. I hurried her to the car and got the hell out of there before someone called the cops, in the car Diane was acting normal once again. She was laughing and making jokes and once again rubbing my crouch, to say that I was confused would be an understatement. I never dealt with shit like this before, I did however ask her if she wanted to get a drink. Yes, absolutely she answered back, where she wanted to know, I told her and she was good with that, I’ve never been there she said. I know I should have brought her home, but little head was thinking for the big head.     

I was well known at this nightclub in fact a very good friend of mine was a partner in it, so we parked in the lot, and she started to act weird again. She wanted me to have sex with her right in the car, I wasn’t against it, especially since I just dropped over a hundred bucks on her.

The parking lot was filled with people milling around smoking cigarettes, and pot, so I didn’t feel comfortable having sex in the car. I asked if she preferred going to a motel instead of the club but she said no, she needed a drink.

I paid the cover charge, and we took seats at the bar, I ordered drinks, and then she started to stare making me uneasy, you ok I asked. Who the fuck are you she said, did they send you here, she wanted to know what agency I was with… Agency, what the fuck are you talking about I asked?

Then she started going through her purse, and she said, it’s in here you cock sucker, and you’ll never do that again, for a split second I took my eyes off of her as I felt something cold press against my temple, die Satan die then a click.

The bartender and two other patrons subdued Diane, in her hand was a 25-caliber pistol this crazy bitch just tried to kill me. I talked the bartender out of calling the police, but Diane was escorted out of the bar, from what I’ve been told they put her in a cab and warned her not to come back!

 When things calmed down we inspected the gun, it was fully loaded but the firing pin was missing preventing it from going off, lucky me.

I never personally saw Diane again, according to a few of my co-workers she never again showed up at her job.

About a year later I got into a conversation with the owner of “Billy Goes” he was selling the place, but he did tell me that Diane was in a mental facility.

The end