That nut from lunch

By Chanuga Rollins

 

I’ve dated a lot of women in the past but remember very few by name, it’s probably because I was a serial dater, back then I had no desire to have a steady girlfriend because I never saw a point in it because I liked variety.

Although I forgot the girl's name I’ll never forget the incident, so let’s just call her Diane. There used to be a great hot dog place around the corner from where I just started working. I think it was called “Billy Goes,” at the time they made the best hot dogs, I only heard about the place because the guys from work kept bragging about it.

So, one day a co-worker and I went there for a couple of hot dogs and that’s when I first saw her, not only was she friendly but also cute with a terrific body. When she took my order I felt a connection, spooky how that works sometimes, but I didn’t ask her out at that point. I guess I was trying to be cool, or I didn’t want to appear desperate who the hell knows.

But after a few times of going to “Billy Goes” for lunch and a lot of flirting, I finally asked her out for the upcoming Friday.

It was a long week but tonight was my big night with the hottie from “Billy Goes,” I confirmed our date earlier that day, so all systems were a go. I selected a pair of underwear with skulls on them just in case the night got interesting, I had no idea what was ahead.

The summer evening wasn’t too bad, it was late August, but the evening was cool, unusual in New Jersey. I arrived at her apartment at eight sharp, she was sitting with an older group of women, one of whom turned out to be her mother. Diane introduced me to everyone sitting around her stoop before bringing me into her apartment. There sitting on the couch playing with a doll was her daughter, a surprise, I didn’t know that she had a kid, nor did she mention it. I guess she was around 10, she was nice and very polite, the only thing was I couldn’t stand kids, but I let it go. Diane grabbed her purse and kissed her daughter goodbye and told her to listen to her grandmother as we left.

Diane looked amazing, she truly was an attractive woman, my plans were to go and get a nice dinner then get a few drinks at a local nightclub, a simple night. At “Billy Goes” I couldn’t shut this girl up, she was laughing at my jokes, and now she was being quiet, too quiet and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

We got to the restaurant and instead of searching for a parking space, I let the valet take my car. We walked into the restaurant, and the place was packed, glad I made reservations, we got to sit down right away. On our way to our table, I could swear that Diane barked like a dog, what the fuck I thought, but then I thought that maybe she was just playing around. At our table, she looked weird, confused, and sort of out of it… I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I asked her if she was alright or would she like to go someplace else. But she said that she was ok with staying here

I ordered a bottle of wine, and when it got to our table she said that she only drank blood from the vein. I was confused, but I didn’t really have an answer for that other than ok. I asked her how her day was, and she looked at me with a bizarre look in her eye and said I had to eat his toe off. I just stared at her, and then I said who’s toe? As I looked at the menu she again started to bark a couple of times, you ok I asked her. I’m fine, but then in a low voice, she said, at least I think she said, I want to stick this in your heart, she was fondling a butter knife.

What the fuck was up with this woman I thought, not quite understanding what was going on here. That’s when I slid that bottle of wine closer to me, I was going to use it as a club if need be. Then she got normal again, asking me questions about my future, where I went to school, and where I lived, I lied about that, but I still felt uneasy.

When the waiter came to take our order, she asked him if he’d ever been bitten in his waiter’s uniform. He just stared at me and asked if she was going to bite him? Let’s hope not, was all that I could think of to say. Then Diane started to feel my crouch under the table, then she said out loud can I suck your dick. When other people turned to look I said that she was just kidding around, and a couple of guys eating dinner gave me the thumbs up.

But now I was concerned, this was not funny, then she got normal again, and of course, she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu an $80 lobster, a la carte.

I never in my life saw someone eat a lobster the way that she ate hers, tearing at it like an animal, slurping, chewing loudly, she had lobster all over her face, on the table, on the floor, even in her hair. Most of the diners were staring at us.

After watching her eat I lost my appetite and couldn’t finish my dinner, this crazy bitch even ordered dessert, and when the cheesecake came she began to play with it. When I said that I didn’t want any she began flinging it with her fork at me and other people trying to have dinner. Finally, the waiter came over with the check and said that the maître wanted us to leave before this got out of hand.

I paid our bill and got her up to leave, on the way out she started talking in a demonic voice, I’m going to come back and kill everyone in here. I hurried her to the car and got the hell out of there before someone called the cops, in the car Diane was acting normal once again. She was laughing and making jokes and once again rubbing my crouch, to say that I was confused would be an understatement. I never dealt with shit like this before, I did however ask her if she wanted to get a drink. Yes, absolutely she answered back, where she wanted to know, I told her and she was good with that, I’ve never been there she said. I know I should have brought her home, but little head was thinking for the big head.     

I was well known at this nightclub in fact a very good friend of mine was a partner in it, so we parked in the lot, and she started to act weird again. She wanted me to have sex with her right in the car, I wasn’t against it, especially since I just dropped over a hundred bucks on her.

The parking lot was filled with people milling around smoking cigarettes, and pot, so I didn’t feel comfortable having sex in the car. I asked if she preferred going to a motel instead of the club but she said no, she needed a drink.

I paid the cover charge, and we took seats at the bar, I ordered drinks, and then she started to stare making me uneasy, you ok I asked. Who the fuck are you she said, did they send you here, she wanted to know what agency I was with… Agency, what the fuck are you talking about I asked?

Then she started going through her purse, and she said, it’s in here you cock sucker, and you’ll never do that again, for a split second I took my eyes off of her as I felt something cold press against my temple, die Satan die then a click.

The bartender and two other patrons subdued Diane, in her hand was a 25-caliber pistol this crazy bitch just tried to kill me. I talked the bartender out of calling the police, but Diane was escorted out of the bar, from what I’ve been told they put her in a cab and warned her not to come back!

 When things calmed down we inspected the gun, it was fully loaded but the firing pin was missing preventing it from going off, lucky me.

I never personally saw Diane again, according to a few of my co-workers she never again showed up at her job.

About a year later I got into a conversation with the owner of “Billy Goes” he was selling the place, but he did tell me that Diane was in a mental facility.

The end  

The lady in the coffin

By Chanuga Rollins

Three days before Halloween two friends and I were heading home from an evening of prowling the streets, at 14 years old I had a nine-o-clock curfew, and it was already half past eight.   

On our way home we had to pass Hornet’s Funeral Parlor, the funeral home was a mansion built in the late 1800s. As we were passing the funeral parlor we could hear screams coming from inside. Next, we saw a rush of people climbing over one another trying to get out of the funeral home, they were even climbing out of the ground-floor windows.

Next came the police, a few ambulances, and a fire truck… With the ongoing chaos, the guys and I started conversing with one of the men who ran out of the funeral parlor. This man told us that the deceased was an old woman and that she sat up in the coffin, we couldn’t believe what this guy was telling us. He also mentioned that an elderly woman was kneeling when the deceased moved.

Weeks later I read in the newspapers that Hornet’s Funeral home was being sued for negligence and a few other things, that old woman who was kneeling when the deceased moved died, she had a massive heart attack and died at the scene.

The end  

  

 Working the night shift

By Chanuga Rollins

 

Just weeks after 9-11 I got a job as a state security guard in New Jersey, the job gave me a chance to go to school during the day, sleep a few hours, then go to work and do my 11pm to 7am shift. To say that the job was easy is an understatement. I couldn’t believe that it paid almost $30.000 a year for doing pretty much nothing other than study for school, there was one hitch.

The part of the state house where I worked was called the Annex, it was dark, creepy, and definitely haunted. All but one or two emergency lights per floor were shut off on the night shift, we had a small light at the desk but that was pretty much it. On my second night on the job I came in about forty-five minutes early because I had to fill out a bunch of forms, which turned out to just need my signature, it only took ten minutes. So, I figured I’d let the guard that I was relieving go home a little early, instead, he stuck around for a while and told me a little about the Annex.

He told me that in the late 1990s, the Annex was completely renovated and that right away weird things started happening. Up until 9-11 and the renovations, no guards were assigned to the Annex. The first night with a guard in the Annex it was reported that a huge roll of keys was heard clanking in the Annex, elevators going up and down on their own even though they’re not supposed to do that, voices were reported, and so on.  

Since I got the job I’ve heard the keys, I’ve seen shadow people, and the elevators really do go up and down on they’re own, sometimes you could hear footsteps getting on and off, but no one is there.

But what was most jarring happened about a month after started this job. The Capitol Police are in charge of the security guards, they do the hiring and firing, and they are also the ones who check on us and are responsible for our safety.

One night I came on duty just like normal, and the guard I relieved told me that the ghost with the keys was really acting up tonight on his shift, we both just laughed, and he went home. About two hours into my shift a Capitol Police officer came around to check on me. He asked me if everything was quiet, and I said that it was, then he asked if the building was empty, and I once again said that it was.

When I come on duty it’s the 11 to 7 guards responsibility to make sure that the building is empty of all employees. Employees who stay late have been known to die at their desks from time to time, it’s not all that uncommon, so now it’s a rule that all employees must be gone by midnight.

So, this Capitol cop decides to walk through the building I guess to kill some time the night shift could be boring, the Annex has eight floors so a thorough search should take you twenty minutes or so. Our guards know the building much better than the Capitol Police do, I could do it in ten minutes including checking the restrooms.

The officer gets on the elevator and takes it up to the 8^th floor, and I return to my homework. Ten minutes later the elevator goes to the 7^th floor, which is unusual. Other than the restrooms the offices are one big open room it shouldn’t take ten minutes to check. Several minutes later the elevator goes to the 6^th floor, the Capitol cop was on that floor for well over 15 minutes, and I knew something was wrong. I was just getting up to jump on the elevator and go up to the 6^th floor when it started coming down.

When the doors to the elevator opened I’ll never forget the look on that officer's face, it was pure fear. As soon as he walked out of the elevator he asked if I was sure that we were the only ones in the building, absolutely I checked all eight floors myself when I came on duty at 11pm, and at 11 the lights were still on in the building until the cleaning crew is finished. By 11:20 they shut them all off.

With a perplexed and frightened look on his face he told me the following: The minute he stepped off the elevator on the 8^th floor he heard a huge roll of keys, then growling and several voices, next came a hard punch in the back, then kicking, something also knocked his hat off of his head. He said something kept trying to take his gun and at the same time kept slapping him in the face, the scariest part was shining his flashlight around the hallways and not seeing anyone. On the 6^th floor, something actually tackled him, that’s when he had enough and jumped back on the elevator and came back to the lobby.

I had to get the Capitol cop some water he was so shaken up, that before he left my post he asked me to not tell anybody what happened here tonight, it’s a secret I kept for twenty-five years until now.

The end