I never did like kids!

By Chanuga Rollins

 

I never hid the fact that I don’t like kids, especially little boys, they’re covered in snot and dirt, just nasty little fuckers. So, when a few friends of mine said that they met this girl and her kid I wasn’t all that crazy about meeting them.

A few days later the guys asked me to come with them to her apartment I declined. Come on man, she wants to party with us, and she said that she had some really good pot. Pot has become a little scarce in our little area of the world lately due to several major drug busts.

Raised in the city, I grew up with these guys, we always had each other’s back, but, when it came to women and partying these guys lacked good judgment, their little heads took over thinking for the big head.

On Thursday evening I gave in to my childhood friends and agreed to go over this woman’s apartment. I stood behind my friends as they knocked on her door.

The second she opened the door I knew that I was going to regret coming here. She wasn’t just fat, she was also ugly and unkept her clothes had stains on them grossing me out. And the stench coming out of her apartment made me nauseous, if Walmart had a poster child, it would be this woman.

Come in guys, make yourself at home, and who are you darling, we haven’t met yet. I stepped back as she made an attempt to kiss me, I have a thing about people hugging or kissing me, especially when I find them a tad gross. Ok, she said, well I’m Mary, and this here is Beca a dear friend of mine, although not as fat as Mary, Beca was still on the gross side.

As we walked through the kitchen I could see roaches running around or dead on her table. Going into the living room it didn’t get much better, the living room had shitty lighting and looked dingy, and her furniture was old, worn, and dirty, probably from a secondhand store or it came with the apartment.

I sort of stood in between the living room and the kitchen just watching my friends and these two silly women carry on. Honestly, I didn’t want to sit or lean against anything, I didn’t want any roaches coming home with me.

It didn’t take long for the pot to come out, Mary pulled a bag out of her bra, then she went into the kitchen and came back with some beer. I refused to partake in both, saying that I was the designated driver, even though we walked here, the fat ass bought my bullshit.

It also didn’t take long for the subject of group sex to come up, and of course, Mary was all for it, I knew I pegged her correctly, Mary in my book was a pig as was her friend Beca.

Let’s get this party started Mary said, she and this Beca went into the bathroom, we’ll be right out guys. I immediately told my friends that I’m out of here, I’m not fucking with either one of these skanks.

Come on, you don’t have to, just get high and relax, one of the guys said. I can’t relax, there are roaches running around, and this place smells, I said.

A moment later Mary came out of the bathroom wearing an extremely sheer teddy, her friend Beca was right behind her in bra and panties. I swear to God looking at these two I thought I was going to vomit. Mary looked even worse with her clothes off, body fat just hung off of her with long stretch marks. Beca, although not as fat as Mary, was still equally gross, and one or both of the women had a fishy odor, like bad tuna. Mary thought it would be funny to put her panties over my head. Don’t do that you big bitch, I don’t play like that shit, I said. Party pooper, Mary shot back, fuck you I said.

My friends, however, couldn’t care less about how nasty these two women were, they just grabbed and pulled at these two gross women. Mary and Beca were of course loving the attention, ok hold on you animals, Mary announced, let’s move this party to the bedroom, again, I tried to leave, but my buddies stopped me.

Come with me handsome Mary said, grabbing my hand and putting it on her huge tit. I pulled my hand away and told her straight out don’t put your hands on me ever again! Mary stepped back like she was going to hit me. I braced myself, I don’t make it a habit of hitting women, in fact, I never have, but I was ready to deck this big bitch if she got aggressive with me. A minute went by, and she didn’t do anything except allow the guy’s to continue to grope her and her friend.

Hey fat ass, I said, I thought you had a kid? At this point I wanted to start a fight with her, maybe then I’d get to go home. I do Mary said, he’s in his room, but he won’t bother us, she didn’t take my bait.

Mary and Beca lead the guys right into one of the nastiest bedrooms that I’ve ever seen, plates with uneaten food still on them were scattered around the room, clothes were everywhere, and the room smelled like body odor.

I will hand it to Mary for this, she knows how to control a room. Here’s the rules guys, two men to women, I get the bed because it’s my apartment, and guys don’t be gentile, I like it rough, she said as she got on the bed.

One of the guys jumped on the bed and stuck his dick right into Mary’s mouth, I've been wanting to do that, he said laughing. Doug, one of the crazier of our group, spread open Mary’s legs and stuck the handle of a plunger into Mary’s vagina, at first she moaned with pleasure, but then she reached down and said hey this isn’t a dick, I even had to laugh. One of the other guys was already fucking Beca on a pile of clothes, that’s when I retreated into the living room. To this day, whenever this story is told, no one believes that I went and sat in the living room when I could have had sex.

With all the nasty shit going on in that bedroom, no one missed me. The only light in the living room was from a floor lamp, but the room was still dark, I settled into an old smelly armchair watching for roaches when the door across the living room opened and a little head popped out.

Who are you? The kid asked. I’m nobody kid, go back to bed, I said. Fuck you the kid said to me, how come your not fucking my mommy, don’t you like girls.

Because the lighting in the room was so poor I couldn’t make out this kid's face very well. Why don’t you step out here and let me have a look at you I said. Why aren’t you answering my question the kid asked. Well, your mother’s gross and smelly, and I have a girlfriend.

Bullshit the kid said, punks like you don’t have girlfriends, I think your gay the boy said. Come out here and say that you little fucker I said. But before that argument could escalate, Mary’s bedroom door opened, the tuna smell was worse than before, and everyone came out into the living room.

That was quick I said… We’re going to make a beer run, you coming. Hold on Mary said, someone has to stay here with my kid. I’m actually heading out, I’ve had enough fun for tonight I said sarcastically.

Come on man don’t leave yet, the night’s just starting, one of the guys said to me. Well people, we still need someone to stay with my kid Mary said, I headed for the door. Then one of the guys stopped me again, come on man do me a favor and stay with her damn kid until we get back, then if you still want to go, you go.

Everyone in the room was looking at me, what about her, pointing to Beca, why doesn't she stay with the kid? I asked. We have to give her a lift home, her husband will be home soon. Her husband, what a skank I said out loud. Don’t judge me asshole, Becca fired back.

Be that as it may, she still has to get home, Mary said.

After a lot of back and forth, I agreed to stay at the apartment while these idiots go for the beer, if you people aren’t back in an hour I’m leaving. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that Mary left the apartment without even saying goodbye to her kid, but she had unfit mother written all over her.

I nudged the kid's door open with my foot, his room was pitch black, hey kid you in here, and why in the hell are you in the dark, this weird kid didn’t answer me. OK, I’m just letting you know that your mother went out for a bit and that I’m in charge.

I put on the TV in the living room and tried to get comfortable. Shut that TV off, the kid said from his room. That’s not happening kid, go to bed I said.

A few minutes later I started hearing weird noises coming from the kids' room, it sounded like growling. Next came an even weirder voice, this one sounded demonic, it said “I want to kill you.” What the fuck is wrong with this kid I thought.

At this point, I got up and was standing in the middle of the living room when for no reason this little bastard came charging out of his room at me with a knife.

I grabbed him by the head and held him there while his little arms swiped at me with the blade. Still palming his head, I backed him up into his room and shut him in, I could hear him stabbing at the door.

Crazy little fuck I thought, from what I could see in the dimly lit living room, this kid looked deformed, his forehead was protruding, his eyes were crooked, and he had a weirdly, shaped head, not to mention the kid was drooling.

Now I’m thinking his mother may have gotten pregnant by her father, brother, or some other weird fuck in her family, but something was definitely wrong with this kid.

After that little psychotic episode, I decided to go and sit in the kitchen, the lighting was better, and the front door was right down a small hallway because I planned on bolting out of this shit hole the moment they got back.

I was going to fix myself some coffee but thought better of it, roaches were running all over the pot and the can of coffee. So, I moved the chair to the middle of the kitchen so as not to get any of the nasty creatures on me.

That’s when I started hearing these noises coming from the living room. At first, it was moaning sounds, then gurgling, then the fucking growling… This time the little fucker came running out of the living room into the kitchen with a very big butcher knife, screaming I’m going to kill you. The little fucker was swinging the knife at me like a crazed Sushi Chef.

This kid had crazy retard strength, but I did manage to get the knife away from him. I slammed him on the kitchen floor really hard as he tried reaching for the knife.

I’ve never experienced anything like this before, obviously, this kid had mental issues, so I reacted the best way that I knew how. Once I disarmed this little prick he began punching, clawing, and biting me like a wild animal.

I noticed a roll of duct tape on a utility cart not far from me, so I flipped the kid over on his stomach and held him down with my knee on his back as I reached for the tape.

I taped up his arms and hands as he flopped around on the floor, this kid was laughing hysterically but it wasn’t a normal kind of laugh.

Sort of feeling bad I asked him if he was going to behave until his mother got home. I took my eyes off of him for just a split moment when he kicked my feet out from under me and I fell on the floor. As I went down, he jumped up, and when I tried getting up, he kicked me right square in the balls bringing tears to my eyes. Once I was down this crazy little bastard went to work on me, like a crazed midget MMA fighter, while growling he kicked and stomped me all over my head and body. The whole time he had an evil expression on his face, one that I’d never seen on a normal kid before.

Once again I managed to grab him and throw him down on the floor, really hard. Then I duct taped his legs and his mouth, to be honest, the growling was starting to freak me out.   

After dealing with this crazy kid, I had to pee, but I didn’t trust him to be left alone, even duct taped, this kid was resilient. So, I was looking around the kitchen and the answer to my problem was staring at me right in the face, a big blank wall.

Just like her bedroom, Mary had shit everywhere in the kitchen, everywhere but on this big white kitchen wall, nothing was on it, no knick-knacks or any of the other shit that people collect.

So, I got a kitchen chair placed it against the wall, then grabbed this fucking kid and proceeded to duct tape his crazy ass to the wall. It worked out really good, I got my chance to go pee without having to worry about this little bastard harming himself or me.

Staring at this kid attached to the wall, his position wasn’t very appealing to me, so I had to make a few modifications. With a little of this and a little of that, I turned this kid into a little snow angel, duct-taped to the wall, he was like a little art exhibit.

With nothing more to do, I picked up one of the knocked-over kitchen chairs, brushed off a few roaches, and had a seat. On the table was a bowl of sugar packets, I dumped them out on the table and lit up a cigarette, using the bowl as an ashtray.

On my third drag Mary and my friends finally returned, your late I screamed… She ignored me, awe look, guys, he was playing with Lucy, I’ve never seen him so quiet, I should pick up more duct tape Mary said smiling.

Hey, no smoking around my kid, Mary said, Lucy’s allergic to smoke Mary said. I put out the cigarette by tossing it into the sink and asked? Who the fuck is Lucy. My son, it’s short for Lucifer, she said smiling like a fucking idiot.

I got up and walked to the door, I’d had enough… That’s when Mary hollered out, “Hey” If I ever need a babysitter I know who to call.   

I turned and walked back down the small hallway into that nasty kitchen and punched Mary right in the face, the next day I called social services and reported her fat ass!

The end

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